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Greetings, citizens!

It’s that time of year again where we get something we hate in weather craziness — to all of you in the path of our latest tropical system, love y’all, and please stay safe — and something we love in college football craziness. It is because of said craziness that this piece will likely take on a much different form this week. Again, after 13 years, you have to reinvent yourself.

Let’s dive into what we’ve cleared our schedule for this week, shall we?

1. We had a clock kerfuffle between Arizona State and Texas State Thursday night. To be real, I actually thought Texas State was going to beat Arizona State — the Bobcats were at home, G.J. Kinne is a future star as a coach, and they have a ton of talent — but credit to the Sun Devils for pulling off the victory. For all this back-and-forth about the clock, there has to be a better way of tracking this stuff in the Year of our Lord 2024. College basketball has a means by which officials can press a button on their waistband and operate the clock. I’m not sure if it’s feasible to do that in football, but if so, do it. Anything to stop coaches from complaining over one play when 15 others decided it earlier in the contest…

2. South Alabama beat the absolute bejeebers out of Northwestern State. The Jags had more passing yards than their poor visitors had total yards. No team has scored more points in 33 years than did South on Thursday night, and the record book will now be littered with results from that contest. Of course, things will quite possibly crash next Thursday, as they’ll venture to Boone to get a — likely angry — App team in a national ESPN game.

3. Texas gets to follow up its drilling of Michigan last Saturday with a visit from Jeff Traylor’s — surprisingly — 1-1 UTSA Roadrunners. Said Roadrunners were boat raced by the aforementioned Texas State team the week prior, leaving a lot of questions on the turf in San Marcos. UTSA will right the ship, but it won’t be this week. The slate gets significantly easier from here for Traylor’s troops, while Texas gets a slight respite before Georgia and Oklahoma loom on the horizon.

4. Florida State is in a world of hurt right now. The ‘Noles are giving six and a hook against 2-0 Memphis this week, but this one feels like one that won’t answer much unless FSU comes out and leaves no doubt against the Tigers. As much as FSU’s quarterback play has been discussed, one item to watch is how its run defense stacks up Saturday. The Seminoles surrendered 263 yards on the ground to BC, while Memphis brings the 91st-ranked run offense (135 ypg) into this one.

5. Speaking of BC, the Eagles venture to Mizzou this weekend for what should be an interesting tilt. The Tigers have won both games by a combined score of 89-0 — granted, those games were against Murray State and Buffalo — but the Tiger defense has been stout thus far. The Eagles will put to a test that Tiger rush defense that has allowed just 86 yards per game through a pair.

6. Wisconsin is getting 16 against Alabama. The Tide have two convincing victories thus far — despite some early struggles against USF — but that number just feels large. Again, I’m not offering betting advice in this space, and if you take anything I say as such, you deserve to lose every penny you put at risk. That just stands out to me.

7. The (former) Civil War renews pleasantries this weekend. The teams play for the Platypus Trophy — some real Sickos Committee stuff — and this should be yet another interesting installment. The Ducks are 2-0 on the campaign, knocking off an Idaho team that this column loves and walking off Boise State on a field goal. Oregon State blanked — insert Match Game music here — San Diego State last week, limiting the Aztecs to just seven first downs and 179 yards of total offense. Oregon State gets 16.5 — which, again, feels off — and could make a national statement with a win here.

8. Speaking of Oregon State, everyone has by now seen the news of the Pac-12 expansion. The Mountain West seemed to be on an unusual ground for a while, and this will likely bonk it in the kneecaps a bit more. There’s not a true replacement-level group of schools — New Mexico State? Really? — from which to choose for the Mountain West, but this will be a storyline worth following. And no, Stanford and Cal are not going back, despite how asinine it is that they’re in the ACC.

9. It’s 100 Miles of Hate week, and as a former Blue Raider, I will limit my bias. I will say that WKU and MTSU is always one of the most fun rivalries anywhere. Middle is showing some signs of life, despite a curb stomping at the hands of Ole Miss last week and a this-shouldn’t-have-been-this-tough late win against a tough Tennessee Tech club in its opening week. That game kicks at 7pm Saturday on ESPN+.

10. Finally, on the rivalry tip, all seems right in the world again with Maryland and UVa again going at it on the gridiron. The Wahoos are amazingly 2-0 following a storm-back victory against Wake in Winston last week, and Anthony Colandrea looks legit at quarterback. The storyline here is whether or not the Hoos can deal with prosperity and avoid a setback at the hands of the Terps. Virginia gets 2.5 in the game that will kick at 8:00 on ACCN.

Finally, please lift up the family and friends of Jyliek Harrington in prayer. The West Virginia State player was murdered in a suspected robbery in Charleston, W.Va., on Wednesday. The Yellow Jackets are — in a truly heart-wrenching coincidence — playing Carson-Newman this week, where Harrington once played. Carson-Newman announced it would have no player wear number 31 — Harrington’s former number at C-N — for the game in his memory.

May peace and comfort soon find his teammates and loved ones.

Thanks again, as always, for reading. Here’s to a safe, fun weekend of college football as things really start to heat up around the nation — even if not literally.

Until next time…